Benched for the Season

I haven’t written in a long time. I would like to say that it’s because I’ve been busy. The opposite is true- this summer has been the least active time I have had in a really long time. Honestly, I would rather have said that I was busy. After all, it is the times that we are busy that we don’t have time to think about our problems, our insecurities, our anything. We can just move on with everything else and ignore the turmoil inside. We enjoy turmoil on the outside- the chaos of activities, drama, and entangled relationships. Yet we loathe the turmoil on the inside. When faced with two evils, we choose the lesser. That is, we sweep our problems under the rug, put on a happy face, and fill our lives with pretentious “busy-ness.”

However, God has truly broken me down this summer. Having closed the doors to many of my goals, God benched me for the season. (A fitting analogy as football season approaches). I felt like that athlete who has waited all year to play and then is sidelined by a major injury. When I look back at my heart in the beginning of the summer, I was angry and bitter. I have never been the one who cheered from the sidelines- my life was filled with me running around on the field (of life) getting goals. If you asked me earlier, I was the all-star of the team. Whether it was youth ministry, volunteering, or even my own relationship, I was playing the starring role. Then came that “injury.” You might have thought that God tripped me Himself. He quickly (and with much resistance from me) brought me to the bench and has been teaching what it means to play the background. And when you’re sitting on the bench of life, you start to think.

I can see now that God wanted me to sit there and do just that. Actually, He wanted me to sit there are pray and read His Word. Every time I tried to get off of the bench myself, He reminded me of my injury- my pride. I recently read this on a post by someone I know:

We usually ask God about what we should do or where we should go. But rarely do we ask God who we should become and what we need to work on in our character. I think it's because if we are always doing we never have to deal with who we are becoming and the result is a lot of work done but an empty soul and bad character.

This perfectly sums up where I have been. I was constantly asking God what I should do (remember that turmoil on the outside?) to avoid my turmoil on the inside. I think the biggest manifestation of this can be found in my relationship. I am often finding myself acting impulsively, emotionally, and frankly, irrationally. I quickly jump into the “game” without allowing myself to heal first. I don’t know how to “sit the bench” but God has been teaching me and I am so thankful for it.

When is the last time that you have sat the bench? When is the last time that you sat still long enough for God to show you His will?

During Teen Week, I taught on the topic, STAND: Still. Psalm 46:10 commands us to “Be still and know that I am God.” More importantly, we are to find our strength in rest just as that player finds healing in sitting out of the game.

Isaiah 30:15 says:

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

I am still learning and I feel like I am going to be on the bench for a long time, but it is worth it. Are you willing to take a seat and let God take control?

Let these lyrics from Lecrae’s “Background” remind you:

'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I'm just going to trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?