Forget the picture in your head...

“What messes us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.” - unknown

Isn’t that the truth?

Lately I have had a friend who constantly reminds me of how blessed I am. And that should be a blessing in itself, but it actually can be frustrating. Why? Because I don’t see the blessings in my life. All I can feel is the desires I have inside of me to create a life that is like how I think it is supposed to be. I should be married, starting a family, etc. etc. I never expected to be where I am right now. 

And then I get more frustrated because I am frustrated. I should be content with what God has given me. I should feel so blessed that I have a loving family, amazing friends, a job that I love, the chance to work with great teens, and the ability to travel around the world. Yet, I feel like something is missing. The picture in my head isn’t fulfilled.

Add a third layer of frustration. I wish my friend could see how truly blessed he is. He is so hard on himself because, like me, he is trying to fulfill the picture he has in his head of what he thinks his life should be like. I just want to yell- don’t you see how God is working in your life?

Oh right, can’t I see how God is working in MY life?

That’s our problem. We don’t see how God is working in our lives and we become so consumed with how we want things to be. We have an expectation of how God should answer our prayers rather than just trusting that He knows best. Is it possible that what you have right now in your life is what your answer to your prayers? Is it possible that the picture you have in your head isn’t the best, and that Creator of the entire universe has something better for you than you could ever imagine? Check this out- Isaiah 55:9- As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. The key word here is HIGHER. His picture for us is HIGHER than whatever we could imagine.

And this picture we have is often based on the wrong motivations. Maybe we are not only caught up in how things are supposed to be, but how they used to be? I have a hard time moving on sometimes. We all do. But we cannot let this past picture blur the present picture. How many times do we miss out on a blessing because we can’t let go of the past?

And what about our future? We should have hopes and goals. But our main motivation should be to be rooted in Christ and to fully trust that His future for you is best. See Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO HARM you." Who wouldn’t want that in their picture for life?

I encourage you to take a look at your life through God’s viewpoint, not your own. He has promised to complete a good work in you and will complete it. How is He working in your now? What blessing or answer to prayer are you missing out on because you are too focused on the picture in your head of how your life is supposed to be?

Pray for God to show you the answers to these questions and to learn to completely trust Him with your life. That is my prayer for myself.

Live loved.

Nothing breaks my heart more than hearing a teenager say, “ No one cares about me.” And even if that teen has the biggest support system in the world, if he does not feel loved, then that perception becomes his reality. We see it all the time- teenage pregnancy, drugs, and gangs are all the result of “looking for love in all of the wrong places.” It is an innate desire to want to feel loved, and when a teen doesn’t get it, they look for it elsewhere. His actions reflect how we feel.

But what about the rest of us? Maybe our actions aren’t as drastic, but what do we do when we don’t feel loved?

 

I attended a concert this weekend and among all of the things that were said and sung, two words impacted me tremendously.

Live loved.

How different would our lives be if we fully understood God’s love for us?

Think about it. When we don’t think God loves us enough to do what is best for us, we get impatient and don’t want for His answer to our prayers. When we forget that God loves us so much that He created us, we begin to criticize our looks and scold the mirror. When we choose to ignore God’s love for us, we love our selves more and sin (sin=selfishness). When we take for granted that God loved us enough to forgive each of these sins, we refuse to forgive others for what they have done to us. When we ignore the truth that God’s love is so deep for us, we won’t even forgive ourselves and fall into a life of shame and regret. When we forgo the loving promise that God will never leave us, we live a life of fear. When we doubt that God’s love is enough, we search for approval and acceptance from others (which leads to many other bad decisions). The list goes on and on.

I have a friend who I know loves me no matter what. There is no judgment in our friendship at all. I know that no matter what I do or say, this friend loves me. And this is such a freeing thought. Because of this assurance, I act differently in this friendship than I do with anyone else. I do not do thinks to seek approval because it is already there.  I can be myself and live confidently in the security that there is love.

God’s love should do that same thing.

If we truly understood how much we are truly loved, we would act like we are loved. And out of that, we would love others. We would boldly live lives that reflected that love. Our mindset would be transformed. Our actions would be radically different. Live loved.

The amazing part about all of this is that we didn’t do anything to deserve this love. Romans 5:8 assures us of this unconditional love- But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. And we can live a life of love because of His love (1 John 4:9).

When we begin to understand all of this, we begin to change. Let your life change today.

Live loved.   

Good. Right. Best... Trust.

I don’t have children, but I do have students. Sometimes I am amazed at the amount of trust that they place in me. On Thursdays, I teach a seminar style class, and for those two hours they take notes on what I say. While they might have a question, they never ask me if the information I am giving them is true. I could completely make up an obscure time period or event in history and teach it to them with few questions asked. Not because my students are limited in their knowledge, but because they trust that I am going to teach them what is true.  An even greater leap of faith is the trust they have in me regarding field trips. I announce that there is a field trip, they return permission slips, and then get on a bus with me to our destination. Never do they second guess if this trip is really going to where I said it would. They trust me. They trust that what I do at school is what is good, what is right, and what is best for them. (NOTE: I have never planned a fake lesson or field trip in case you were wondering!) 

Now picture this illustration. Your best friend comes over and tells you she has a surprise for you. She says that what she has for you is good for you. She promises that it is the right thing to give you. And she promises you that it is the best thing that she could give you. Would you turn that present away? Or would you accept it? She tells you that you can pick it up this weekend. However, she mentioned that if I didn’t want to wait, I could open up something she had sitting in her car that she picked up at the dollar store, but it might not be quite the same. What would you choose? I would hope in that situation that you and I would wait for the best present. 

Doesn’t God promise us the same thing? 

God promises us that He has an amazing present for us (salvation) and an incredible future planned (Jeremiah 29:11). One of my pastors has repeatedly used the phrase, “God always does what is good, what is right, and what is best.” 

And while I couldn’t agree more, it is sometimes hard to act accordingly. I am an extremely impatient person. In the above scenario, if my friend had offered me two gifts without the disclaimer of how wonderful the one gift would be, I would probably have picked the one that I could have now. And this is how we view God sometimes- that there are two plans- His and ours. We forget how His plan is so much better than our own and think that ours is comparable. We want what is quick, what is satisfying for the moment, and what is easy. We don’t want to wait for what is good, what is right, and what is best.  

Recently, I have had some discouraging things happen to me. I have a hard time remembering that God is working behind the scenes and keeping his promise in Romans 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose).  His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11 again- you should never forget this verse!). His plans are to give us what is good, what is right, and what is best. Why should I forsake that for something I want now? Well, one because I am selfish and two because I forget that statement. I wait something so badly that I am willing to accept something that might be good, could be wrong, and certainly isn’t best. Is that the kind of life that we want? That’s not the life God promised (John 10:10).

I need to take a lesson from my students. They trust me. In the same way, I need to trust God. I need to be patient. I need to let go of those things that are not part of His plan. Do you?

Remember: God is doing what is good, what is right, and what is best even if we can’t see it right! 

  

“The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours.” ~ John Piper

Ahabah v. Agape

I recently read a blog entitled, “ Whatever You do, Don’t Fall in Love.”  The title sparked my interest, but the content of the article was not what I expected. The article focused on the word “love.” In our American vernacular, we use the word often. We could blame this overuse on two things: the ability of our society to distort and tarnish views of love, or the practical fact that our language does not have words for various types of love. While I attribute both to the failure of many to value “love,” I want to focus on the latter.

Many languages have various words to describe “love.” Hebrew is a great example of this. Hesed could refer to the type of love we have for our parents. We can raham the orphan. Or we can ahabah the hot guy walking by.

According to the article, ahabah (pronounced "AH-ha-vah") is generally associated with two people falling in love. It is characterized by a “spontaneous, impulsive display of affection and attraction.” The Bible is full of examples of ahabah (Samson and Delilah, Jacob and Rachel, etc.) The article then discusses how these types of relationships often lead to trouble. Yet, I started to take a different perspective on this.

When we think about falling in love with someone, we often do think of ahabah. And it’s a wonderful feeling to be in love. It’s fun. It’s exciting. We long for it. Yet, how often does it end in heartache? I’m over this idea of ahabah. I want agape (the word used to unconditional love often associated with God’s love for us.) I want relationships that are rooted and mirror God’s love. I never want ahabah to become stronger than agape.

And the only true way to have agape is to be connected with the Creator of such love. As I delve into love in several areas of life, I need to abide in God, who will spark and sustain this type of love (1 John 4: 9).

Think of this: Would we want God to ahabah us? Would it satisfy us if he only had an impulsive display of affection and attraction towards us? Would that type of love send His Son to die on the cross? Absolutely not! All He would need to do is take on look at our flaws and sin, and ahabah would be gone. AGAPE. That is unconditional. Why then would I settle for anything less than the type of love God gives if I am to follow Him? 

Christ commands us to love others as He loves us. That is agape. I want to agape my friends. I want to agape my future husband. And I want them to love me back the same way. I am not willing to compromise for some temporary love. I want something true even if it is not associated with those nice feelings of ahabah.

Agape. That love never fails. It may not be easy, but it is best.  

Do not settle for ahabah.  Seek agape.