What Grade Would You Receive?

So I must admit that this is not the beginning of my writing. As I sat down tonight, I began to write out everything I was upset about. Actually, I was writing a list of expectations that I have in what makes a “good relationship.” However, as I was writing I became more and more convicted as to what God wants me to see in this situation. Funny how He does that, isn’t it? Here I was wanting more out of someone (who by the way gives so much to me each day) without looking in the mirror. I began to realize how often we make a checklist of expectations of other people and their failures and shortcomings. Imagine if we sat out and wrote a checklist of our own? (Now I know I struggle with being too hard on myself. I constantly push myself to perfection and can really over do it. My bigger problem, however, is trying to push everyone else to that point with me.) So as I began to write out my “concerns” I realized that I need to turn to some bigger things.

That is when God reminded me of one of the most read passages in the Scriptures- 1 Corinthians 13. We use this passage in those romantic moments- weddings, proposals, dates, etc. We as a society read those verse and think of how lovely they are. Yet, if we were to be honest, this is what love looks like by our standards.

Love gives me what I want when I want it. It tells me the words I want to hear. Love let’s me do what I want without getting jealous. It doesn’t require me to be humble, but rather helps boost my ego and self-esteem. Love is about making me happy. It doesn’t keep records of my wrongs when I want to be forgiven, but helps remind me of everything someone else does. Love doesn’t delight in evil, but it sure does give me what I selfishly want. Love protects me only when someone else is against me or when it is convenient. Love takes me on nice dates. Love holds my hand and hugs me. Love perseveres until I’m tired of it. Love is emotional , irrational, and inconvenient.
Yet, this is not what the Bible says at all .If I was looking for a checklist of what a relationship should be like, boy, did he slap me in the face with it.


____1. Love is patient.
____2. Love is kind.
____3. Love does not envy.
____4. Love does not boast.
____5. Love is not proud.
____6. It does not dishonor others.
____7. It is not self-seeking.
____8. It is not easily angered.
____9. It keeps no records of wrongs.
____10. Love does not delight in evil.
____11. Love rejoices in the truth.
____12. It always protects.
____13. It always trusts.
____14. It always hopes.
____15. It always perseveres.
____16. Love never fails.
As a teacher, if I were to look at this list as a rubric, I would certainly fail the assignment. And let's make it a little more realistic. If I put my name into each of those, I realize how much more I need Christ daily. "Bobbie is patient. Bobbie is kind..." and so on.

And honestly, I would much rather be a in a relationship that had those attributes than one that involves fancy dates, romantic cards, etc (not that those things shouldn’t be apprecitated.) And this list in not exhaustive. Scripture also tells us the following:

1. Love our enemies- Matthew 5:43-48
2. Love your neighbor as yourself. –Mark 12:31
3. Love God above all else- Mark 12:33, Luke 10:27
4. There is no greater love than to lay down our life for others- John 15:13
5. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love- 1 John 4:8
6. We love God because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.

This is completely humbling. How can I try to hold someone responsible for expectations that I ignore? That doesn’t mean that we should accept certain things, but it does mean that we should first look at ourselves.

How are you doing on this checklist? God isn’t grading us because He wants us to be perfect- He gives us these standards because He wants what is best for us. And more importantly, He rightfully wants to bring glory to Himself. We glorify God when we reflect Him, not ourselves.

Does the way we LOVE others (our boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, brother/sister, coworker, friend, etc) reflect God? Does it meet the checklist? If not, ask Him to help you do so. That is my prayer for myself and for you as well. I am thankful not only for my relationships, but for the moments that remind me where my focus should be. This is my prayer for you and me.

And as I tell my students, don't worry about the grade someone else is receiving, worry about your own. What grade would you get?

Who is your favorite?

^{James 2: 1} My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. ² Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. ³ If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” ⁴ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

⁵ Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? ⁶ But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? ⁷ Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?

⁸ If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”^[a] you are doing right. ⁹ But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. ¹⁰ For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. ¹¹ For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,”^[b] also said, “You shall not murder.”^[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

One of the things that I love about my relationship is that I am constantly challenged to grow closer to God. The discussions we have challenge me not only to reflect on the wonders of God, but on the ways in my life in which I can improve. My boyfriend always cheers for the underdog- I am the perfectionist. God has used some recent discussions we have had(and the hard-hitting book of James) to really convict me in one area of my life- judging others.

My students always joke that they are my favorite, and I always tell them that the mark of a good teacher is the ability to make every student feel like my favorite student. While I’m half-joking (I can’t say I necessarily have a “favorite”) I started to realize how this principle needs to be applied to life in general. How much better would this world be if we treated every person as our favorite and had people respond to us in the same manner.? How would life be different if we gave everyone our best attention, our deepest respect, and our sincerest gratitude? I’m not advocating giving so much of ourselves that there is nothing left (I know what it can be like to be overwhelmed), but I am suggesting that we should love others as if they were the only person to be loved. After all, the amazing grace of God is that He loves each of us as His own. We are all His “favorite.” And while we might moan and groan when someone else seems to get the blessing we deserved, the Bible promises that God loves each of us so much that He sent His son to die for us. For you. For me.

As I was reading the book of James throughout the past week, the above passage on favoritism got me. I began to question how often I truly showed this type of favoritism. And while I may not necessarily judge those who are “poor” by the world’s standards, I know that I have shown preferential treatment to those who “appeal” to me more. The Bible calls this sin. What I might think is “surrounding myself with those who are like me,” is viewed as lawbreaking. That little comment I made about someone’s outfit, their hair, their mannerisms, etc. are viewed as all of the other sins. If I am not loving EVERY neighbor as myself, I fail to meet the mark. I could list a group of people who I do show love to and try to justify it to God, but would I want Him to return to me a list with my name on it of the people He chose not love? I could only imagine what it would be like if God said, “Well, Bobbie, I chose to love a lot of people, but I like them more than you. Sorry. They were “richer” than you.” Wow. If God wouldn't do that to me, how could I possible do that to others?

This is my lesson- to love others with the love of Christ so much that they believe they are not only your favorite, but God’s favorite too.