The following is my "outline" for my message at the Mother's Day Brunch at Pemberton's 1st Baptist Church on Saturday, May 5th.
When I was first asked to speak at this brunch, I had to admit that I thought it was a stretch. I wondered what I could say to a group of mothers when I have never been a mother myself. Yes, I often to hear that I am a mother of many- over 150 teenagers to be exact, but I have no words of wisdom or savvy techniques on how to parent. Still, I stand before you today hoping that what I say may be valuable. I had to spend a lot of time in prayer about what to speak about and God has really challenged over the past the few weeks. What I am going to share with you today has been the outcome of these challenges, an expression of my thoughts on motherhood.
It is natural when thinking about motherhood to think about the woman or women in your life who have been a mom to you. For myself, my mother has always been the stronghold of my family, the glue that held everything together. She was always there for my sister and me, making sure that we had every opportunity to pursue the things that we wanted to do. In the midst of any crisis, big or small, she was always there and held it all together. My sister became a mother at a young age and her maturity has always amazed me. It was as if the moment when one becomes a “mother,” she changes, and I saw this change in her life. Both my mom and my sister have been strong examples of how to be a mother and I hope to take many of the qualities they have and eventually apply them in my own life.
However, I knew that what I was going to say today was not going to be the “typical” mother’s day speech about how my mother has impacted me. I could certainly go on and on, but that has not been what is on my heart and I’ve become much more sensitive to the ideas of motherhood since starting ministry. I think that there is a tendency to take everything mothers do for granted. When I talk to my teens whether at school or youth group, I can no longer take anything for granted. Unfortunately, my teens are the products of broken homes, divorces, and abandonment. Over half of my teens come from homes with only one parent and a quarter of my teens are raised by someone other than their parents. A mother is a vital component of a person’s life- without her, life is not the same. As I thought about the theme this year, “Grandmother’s Garden,” I started to think about flowers. In the same way that flowers need light, water, and soil to grow, God’s original design required a loving mother for someone to grow properly.
I recently watched a video entitled, “I’ll need you mom.” In the video, children list reasons they need a mother. The following are some of their statements:
I’ll be concerned with what my friends will think of me. I’ll need you to teach me that I only need God’s approval.
I’ll want what I want when I want it. I’ll need you to teach me to be a servant so I can love others.
I’ll act like I don’t have any problems. I’ll need you to show me how to share my struggles with others.
I’ll tend to think about myself before others. I’ll need you to teach me that the last will become first.
I’ll have many reasons to hold grudges. I’ll need you to model forgiveness so that I can show grace.
I’ll struggle with my looks and appearance. I’ll need you to remind me that God wonderfully made me.
I’ll need you, Mom, to point me to Christ when no one else will.
I'll Need You Mom
These statements are an obvious reminder of how important having a loving Christian mom really is. It is like the water needed to grow these plants. And yet, we live in a society that does not see the necessity of motherhood. The youth group is not a unique trend, but rather a microcosm of what is around us. There are many children and teens growing up in motherless, and parentless, homes. They will have a tendency to act like they don’t have any problems, hold grudges, and struggle with their looks and appearances. Actually, everyone has those tendencies, but it is the love of the mother than can overcome those struggles. It is a mother who teaches a child how to handle struggles, how to show grace, and how to value themselves. It is that water that changes a seed to a plant and it is that motherly role that can shape a young boy or girl into a mature young man or woman.
Unfortunately, that has now become the role of the youth group in the case of many. Fortunately, God has provided a youth group for these teens. I currently raise as a “mother” many teens. Their circumstances have placed them in vulnerable situations and it is amazing how quickly they latch onto leaders to replace the void of a mother or father that they have in their life. I have one teen who constantly calls me mom. While I thought it was a joke for a long time, I was surprised when he filled out his paperwork for a recent youth group trip and he listed me as his mother. He knows who is mom is. Actually she lives down the street from him, going on with her life without a care for him or his brother. She only comes to the house when she needs money or food. She has played no role in his maturity and he has sought out someone to play that role. Fortunately, he has sought out Christ and youth group, not drugs, money, or any other negative behaviors that are associated with teens who feel abandoned. The burden of teaching this teen is now in the hands of the youth group, and of the body of believers. I have watched teenage boys cry in front of a group about how they are angry their mother left them, I have watched girls seek love from guys because they did not get it from home, and I have watched teens give up their hopes and dreams because they feel the most important person gave up on them. For my teens that have lost a mother to illness or other circumstances, they have a path of pain to overcome. It is astonishing to see how many teens are in alternative school because they have lost a parent and it has tremendously impacted their lives. Children are not naturally equipped to deal with these losses- they need adults to guide them. There’s an important ingredient missing in their growth- their mother.
There is a reason that Solomon writes in Proverbs 6:20-23 the following:
My son, obey your father's commands, don't neglect your mother's teaching. Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck. Wherever you walk, their counsel can lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you. When you wake up in the morning, they will advise you. For these commands and this teaching are a lamp to light the way ahead of you. The correction of discipline is the way to life.
If we expect young people to have direction in life, they need to have someone to give them guidance. If we expect them to love, we need to show them love. Solomon warns us to carry the words of our parents around our neck. How can these teens do this if they do not have a parent to give them these words? The answer lies in ministry, both youth ministry and general outreach. Christ’s love has the ability to transcend the loss of the mother, feelings of abandonment, and uncertainty, but it will take other “mothers” who are willing to step in to share this love.
We can look at motherhood through the lens of great mothers like those of you in this room and that is certainly to be celebrated. However, when we look at it through the lens of those hurting because they are missing that important ingredient in their life, we can appreciate what all of you have done even more. Even in the simplest of ways, my perspective has changed. When I watch mother’s day commercials, I pray for my teens. Why? Because I know that those commercials temporarily bring up the emotions of not having a mother. When you see these commercials, could you do the same? And it’s not just a few of my teens. As a teacher, we are taught to say, “please take this paper home to your adult.” We can no longer say, please give this to your mother because so many teens are missing their moms.
The situation today with our youth is one in need of prayer. When I began to pray for this message, I found myself more in prayer for my teens. I ask that as we focus on mother’s day, that we also pray for the ones who cannot celebrate the meaning of the day. I commend each of you for the love you have for your children, one another, and our Savior. I thank many of you for being the Christian motherly role models in my life as I came to church alone for so many years. It has been an honor to speak in front of you today and I thank God that He has guided me through the process. These flowers today have grown because they were given the right care. We each have grown because God has supplied us with the ingredients that we have needed. Let us encourage others to get the valuable elements they need to become not only young adults, but young men and women who are pursuing Christ, the greatest parent of all. Pray for the next generations of parents, including myself, that we will be able to raise our children in the ways of the Lord in the midst of a society that does not value motherhood.
