Let’s start with the biggest lesson that I’ve learned.
Lesson #1: It’s ok to say “no.” For many years, I
have pushed myself to the limits of doing anything and everything. I was
balancing work, graduate school, youth group, other clubs, and a social life. I
would stay at church activities until 11pm every Friday, go on trips, and
volunteer all over the place. I felt great and I was extremely happy. However,
it started to take a toll on me- I was getting tired. Not just any tired, but
an unhealthy tired. And what seemed like
suddenly (and after much prayer), I had a “peace” that it was ok to say “no.” I
“retired” from youth group and I started to slow down a lot in my life. That’s
not to say that I don’t miss those teens terribly, but I know that decision was
for the best. Had I not slowed down, I can only begin to imagine what my life
would be like. My pain would only be exacerbated and my exhaustion beyond limits.
I’m sure there are a lot of people, including my friends, who don’t understand
why I no longer go out, but saying “no” to a lot of things meant saying “yes”
to what I needed.
The secondary, but more important, lesson that I learned in
saying “no” is that a lot of my identity was wrapped up in what I did. Now that
I’m not “doing” I’m “being” and that was been such a rewarding (but extremely
difficult) experience. I gradually had to reshape my identity. Try it some
time. Just be. Don’t do.
And that leads me to my next lesson…
Lesson #2: It’s ok to
rest. And I rest a lot. Most of my weekends are spent napping or doing
graduate work while lying in bed. I rarely go out and I’m becoming an expert at
taking the “after work nap.” I need to rest after work or else I can’t make it
until bedtime. I have learned so much about the importance of sleep hygiene
over the past few years and I highly recommend you check it out too. Fibro
fighter or not- we all need to rest.
And maybe we don’t rest, because our society tells us not to
do it, but I’ve learned something else…
Lesson #3: It’s ok to
not be ok. At the end of the day, I have to know that it’s ok that I’m in
pain sometimes. What I mean is that I don’t need to be upset with myself for
not being ok. All I can do is make me the “best ok” that I can be. At night I
wrap myself up in a heated blanket to take away the pain. I drive with my
heated seats on in my car even when it’s warm out. I do a mindfulness practice
to refocus my nerves. I do a lot to help me feel ok every day. However, as much
as my physical well-being is important, so it my mental health. I need to know
that I don’t need to always be “great” or even “ok.” And I go back to the first two lessons- it’s
ok if I need to say “no” and if I need to rest. Accepting my new reality meant
accepting that some things would have to change- and please don’t think that
change is always a negative thing! I
spent about the first year after my diagnosis feeling guilty. Why? Because in
my mind, I told myself that I was “better than this” and that “other people
needed me.” In reality, I was letting pride get in the way and it wasn’t
helping me be any more “ok” than I was.
I’m not sure why I felt the need to share this tonight, but
I did. I felt like maybe someone (and it’s very likely that someone was me)
needed to read it.
And aren’t these lessons applicable to all of us in a lot of
situations? Say no. Rest. Be not ok.
Be you.
That’s what I have learned from my FibroMYalgia.
And as a side note, a verse that has truly helped is Psalm 46:10...
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